My Throat

So my throat is killing me. But I cannot afford to miss a day of school ! It's the home stretch right now and I am not about to make up any finals in the summer. So you know what I'm sticking through this thing !!

Oh hey by the way this is my last blog maybe? I may occasionally still blog randomly to get some of my problems out. Blogger is a good way for me to vent and I actually enjoyed it a lot! so thanks Wad, for giving me a nice alternative!

Sophomore year was weird, very weird. It was definitely a bittersweet year. I  have gone through a bunch of tough ish but yah know what god gave me the right people to make it through it all! so I will take this moment to say goodbye to sophomore year, full of fun and drama and everything else! without you I wouldn't have progressed so much in uke or vault! and I wouldn't have found the 2 greatest people in my life. So shpankyou sophomore year.

State and Ukulele

so my best friend is going to state for pole vaulting, and I really hope she does good. I pray a little bit, but I think I'm really gonna go over board for her! I know that she can do good, and regionals were a bit of a reality check. There is a lot going on in pole vault lately but I have to keep her together. That is number 1 for me right now. She deserves to do good and she will. #BrookeLambert

Learned a few new songs lately on uke! Don't have them completely memorized, but I mean nice chunks! drops of jupitor is good when my friend sings for me, but she's only good when she wants to be. With her, she's got to be confident and in the mood because if she's not then she kind of tries too hard and it doesn't sound very good. But another song I'm in the process of learning is I won't give up by jason mraz. It's really good, and I am excited for what comes from that song

Dear Grade God...

Please help me. I need it. I'm taking a break from studying to pray to you via blogger. You see I try very hard to do good, and getting constant punishment from my parents gets tiring. So please Grade God help me drive this summer and be able to do track next year. I'm even willing to sacrafise th driving for track. Do you know how big of a deal that is for a teenage girl to say?? Grade God you were good to me in middle school and even last year, but see this year has been tough and I could use a little extra credit.

love madi

I can't believe I just did that...#desperate

Good Stuff Bad Stuff

so some of my grades are starting to come together and it's exciting!!! my only worries are banking on Intro to be an A. Wad is scaring the ish out of me because of that 0 on my final story for my spread and its messing up my grade!!!! Dear Wady, I please find it in your hear to fix that soon and be generous because an A in your class for the quarter basically decides whether I drive or not this summer. Other than intro, my last hope in English honors with Svetties. But see, this guy is afraid of technology or something because he hasn't updated RDS in a billion and a half years!!! I also NEED an A in his class. If I get that, then I will be able to drive for the summer, and maybe have hope to do track next year. Because I ended up with a B in Chem honors, which is actually and improvement for me!! but its not an A and my dad is going to be mega phissed off.

Tweakin'

So today, instead of taking a chem quiz, I went to the nurse. I was too afraid to even look at it!! I just wasn't 100% on everything so I felt like I needed another day to two to study more. I can't keep doing this, but hey at least I know I NAILED my short answer part of my test after taking it a week late:) But no really, I cannot wait to get rid of this class. Next year cannot come any faster for me to have a fresh slate and completely kill it! Pole Vault has been nice lately too. Well kind of not really, My coach thinks I have a  "Hip Pointer" which basically means I tore like a small ligament or something and just need to take it easy for like 3 weeks. Well I have 2 weeks down so I am on the verge of greatness soon! and my core is coming along nicely because I can't do our normal drills, which leads me to do 20584920730 sit ups. I gotta keep thinking glass half full here. So lets list positives and negatives!
-grades
-being hurt
-TWEAKIN
+summer
+tan
+abs
+getting my tips dyed
+State is ALMOST HERE!!

Grades will be the death of me...

So I am really needing svetties to update RDS because looking at this C+ is really killing my self-esteam. I am praying that it might actually go up to an A or pretty damn close at least due to all of the projects and quizes we have been taking lately. I am really going to nail my next vocab quiz because I think it's my last! and I really need an A or my parents will flip. Chemisty needs to be updated too because I am dying to know what I got on that test that was almost leading me to drink I was stressed so much! My coach Mr. Mccabe always tells us that haha the pole katz are so crazy that we will lead him to drink. He makes my days a little brighter! well anyways, I actually have an A in french which is so sick!!!! I am so proud of myself! and the B+ in Intro needs to go up, I really think I can get it up to an A- at least, hopefully. AP Human Geography is a B- right now which is so scary, I need an A there too. Ugh expectations I can't live up to are seriously going to kill me. I'm starting to pray a lot more lately just to get things off of my mind. Hopeing that maybe something out there will answer me. Blogging here has really helped me lately because its like the perfect little journal. I know that people can read it but no one will aha. I don't know just more venting I guess. Sorry Wad if you actually read these! My grades aren't really that interesting. But they mean a ton to me because my happieness depends on them. I had a deep texting convo tonight about growing up and it scared me. I hate thinking about it. This year has been too hard for me, and just too much for a single person to handle. But I'd like to think I am pushing through it as best as I can. I'm still looking for a job! I really want to buy another ukulele because my little nugget is just so cute I don't want to break it but I bring it everywhere with me! I wish I could play it during school:) Oh well it's getting late and I have some chemistry honors studying that needs to get done. Wish me luck folks!

Venting to an Emotionless Screen

I need a way to tell my dad that I will not be able to pull out an A in chemistry this quarter. It is just too hard of a class. I am in honors chem as a sophomore, which means I am a whole year and then some ahead of my peers. It's clearly too late to drop out to normal chem now. If I don't get the A my life is literally over. I hate having strict parents, they make everything so complicated for me. I have to strategize my weekends, and pick and choose which friends that I can hang out with. If I go out on a Friday chances are that I probably will not be able to go out on the Saturday following. So I need to pre plan everything with everyone, and pick which groups of people that I want to hang out with. This has caused me to lose a healthy amount of friendships and ties I've built because none of them understand. Also, the nights that my parents do approve me going out, I have to somehow manage to find rides everywhere. This can be really difficult because I live so far out in Schererville and all of my friends are in St. John and Dyer! I feel bad having them come to pick me up. I have my license but my parents said I am not allowed to use it until I have 2 b's or less on my report card. It's starting to make school so unenjoyable for me. I am constantly stressing about grades!!!! and they are just not where they need to be. I just want a clean slate to start with, but that's after the entire summer. There's no way I'll be able to drive though because of the grades that are coming in this quarter! A good analogy for my life right now is like trying to wipe oil off of glass with a leaf. You can try and try but the leaf will just keep ripping, the oil will just smear, and the glass will get scratched up. At least I'm still creative right? This whole paragraph/essay is just embarressing and I should really delete it. Not to mention all of the spelling errors there are weaved between these emotion filled sentences. I guess I'll keep it though because chances are that no one will read it, and I'll have to get 15 points on my blogs because this is hellllla lot longer than 2 sentences. I am such a troubled person, I'll once again have to take this opportunity to thank the people in my life that have kept me going through all of my nonsense. The ones who tell me that I matter and that they care when I am at my lowest of lows. They know who they are, and they won't read this because they probably don't even know I have this blog thing. But I'm gonna say thanks anyways, because I would do absolutly anything for them and what do I have to lose at this point. Thankyou Brooke and Liz, for getting me this far. And I can't forget the rest of my Polekatz! Thanks guys for everything, You have no idea how much you mean to me. I love all of you! So lets see, if you have cared enough to actually read this entire blog then congratulations! It seems that you've made it to the end! Thankyou too, even if you are a complete stranger for helping me get through this funk with this post. I'm not crazy I swear, well maybe a little but who cares anyways. I'm out.