alright.

I was hoping that I'd never have to blog another sad thought again, but there is just too much going on in my life. I need to vent in any way possible right now. Well my house is bought, and I am moving to Ohio for my second half of junior year and my whole senior year. I just told my best friend, and we cried together hysterically. She is what I will miss the most out of everything, not the house I've been living in for 17 years, not my grandparents, not my other friends, her. It is killing me to even think about what mental state I will be in when she isn't constantly present in my life anymore. I'm not gonna have someone to be one step behind me every time I'm dieing at practice, or to get me ready for parties. Not gonna have her to have our heart to hearts or laugh at our inside jokes. I'm not gonna have her there for me every time I need a hardcore vent session. I tear up just thinking about it. She is undoubtidly the number one thing I will miss and I don't know how to make it better. I can't imagine going through anything anymore. When I get to my new school, I'm not gonna do track. I'm not gonna do my homework, I'm not gonna talk to anyone. I refuse, maybe my dad will realize just how drastic this whole situation is on me if thats what I have to do. I will be the most unproductive child ever, and he can ground me all he wants. He can take my phone/laptop/ipod/tv anything away and it won't effect me because I'll have no friends there anyways. I just wish that all of this was a nightmare, and that I would wake up already. I can't take this anymore. I need to figure out some way to stay here, I don't know how but I need too. I just can't leave, so please God hear my prayers every single night. I just don't want to go

My Throat

So my throat is killing me. But I cannot afford to miss a day of school ! It's the home stretch right now and I am not about to make up any finals in the summer. So you know what I'm sticking through this thing !!

Oh hey by the way this is my last blog maybe? I may occasionally still blog randomly to get some of my problems out. Blogger is a good way for me to vent and I actually enjoyed it a lot! so thanks Wad, for giving me a nice alternative!

Sophomore year was weird, very weird. It was definitely a bittersweet year. I  have gone through a bunch of tough ish but yah know what god gave me the right people to make it through it all! so I will take this moment to say goodbye to sophomore year, full of fun and drama and everything else! without you I wouldn't have progressed so much in uke or vault! and I wouldn't have found the 2 greatest people in my life. So shpankyou sophomore year.

State and Ukulele

so my best friend is going to state for pole vaulting, and I really hope she does good. I pray a little bit, but I think I'm really gonna go over board for her! I know that she can do good, and regionals were a bit of a reality check. There is a lot going on in pole vault lately but I have to keep her together. That is number 1 for me right now. She deserves to do good and she will. #BrookeLambert

Learned a few new songs lately on uke! Don't have them completely memorized, but I mean nice chunks! drops of jupitor is good when my friend sings for me, but she's only good when she wants to be. With her, she's got to be confident and in the mood because if she's not then she kind of tries too hard and it doesn't sound very good. But another song I'm in the process of learning is I won't give up by jason mraz. It's really good, and I am excited for what comes from that song

Dear Grade God...

Please help me. I need it. I'm taking a break from studying to pray to you via blogger. You see I try very hard to do good, and getting constant punishment from my parents gets tiring. So please Grade God help me drive this summer and be able to do track next year. I'm even willing to sacrafise th driving for track. Do you know how big of a deal that is for a teenage girl to say?? Grade God you were good to me in middle school and even last year, but see this year has been tough and I could use a little extra credit.

love madi

I can't believe I just did that...#desperate

Good Stuff Bad Stuff

so some of my grades are starting to come together and it's exciting!!! my only worries are banking on Intro to be an A. Wad is scaring the ish out of me because of that 0 on my final story for my spread and its messing up my grade!!!! Dear Wady, I please find it in your hear to fix that soon and be generous because an A in your class for the quarter basically decides whether I drive or not this summer. Other than intro, my last hope in English honors with Svetties. But see, this guy is afraid of technology or something because he hasn't updated RDS in a billion and a half years!!! I also NEED an A in his class. If I get that, then I will be able to drive for the summer, and maybe have hope to do track next year. Because I ended up with a B in Chem honors, which is actually and improvement for me!! but its not an A and my dad is going to be mega phissed off.

Tweakin'

So today, instead of taking a chem quiz, I went to the nurse. I was too afraid to even look at it!! I just wasn't 100% on everything so I felt like I needed another day to two to study more. I can't keep doing this, but hey at least I know I NAILED my short answer part of my test after taking it a week late:) But no really, I cannot wait to get rid of this class. Next year cannot come any faster for me to have a fresh slate and completely kill it! Pole Vault has been nice lately too. Well kind of not really, My coach thinks I have a  "Hip Pointer" which basically means I tore like a small ligament or something and just need to take it easy for like 3 weeks. Well I have 2 weeks down so I am on the verge of greatness soon! and my core is coming along nicely because I can't do our normal drills, which leads me to do 20584920730 sit ups. I gotta keep thinking glass half full here. So lets list positives and negatives!
-grades
-being hurt
-TWEAKIN
+summer
+tan
+abs
+getting my tips dyed
+State is ALMOST HERE!!

Grades will be the death of me...

So I am really needing svetties to update RDS because looking at this C+ is really killing my self-esteam. I am praying that it might actually go up to an A or pretty damn close at least due to all of the projects and quizes we have been taking lately. I am really going to nail my next vocab quiz because I think it's my last! and I really need an A or my parents will flip. Chemisty needs to be updated too because I am dying to know what I got on that test that was almost leading me to drink I was stressed so much! My coach Mr. Mccabe always tells us that haha the pole katz are so crazy that we will lead him to drink. He makes my days a little brighter! well anyways, I actually have an A in french which is so sick!!!! I am so proud of myself! and the B+ in Intro needs to go up, I really think I can get it up to an A- at least, hopefully. AP Human Geography is a B- right now which is so scary, I need an A there too. Ugh expectations I can't live up to are seriously going to kill me. I'm starting to pray a lot more lately just to get things off of my mind. Hopeing that maybe something out there will answer me. Blogging here has really helped me lately because its like the perfect little journal. I know that people can read it but no one will aha. I don't know just more venting I guess. Sorry Wad if you actually read these! My grades aren't really that interesting. But they mean a ton to me because my happieness depends on them. I had a deep texting convo tonight about growing up and it scared me. I hate thinking about it. This year has been too hard for me, and just too much for a single person to handle. But I'd like to think I am pushing through it as best as I can. I'm still looking for a job! I really want to buy another ukulele because my little nugget is just so cute I don't want to break it but I bring it everywhere with me! I wish I could play it during school:) Oh well it's getting late and I have some chemistry honors studying that needs to get done. Wish me luck folks!

Venting to an Emotionless Screen

I need a way to tell my dad that I will not be able to pull out an A in chemistry this quarter. It is just too hard of a class. I am in honors chem as a sophomore, which means I am a whole year and then some ahead of my peers. It's clearly too late to drop out to normal chem now. If I don't get the A my life is literally over. I hate having strict parents, they make everything so complicated for me. I have to strategize my weekends, and pick and choose which friends that I can hang out with. If I go out on a Friday chances are that I probably will not be able to go out on the Saturday following. So I need to pre plan everything with everyone, and pick which groups of people that I want to hang out with. This has caused me to lose a healthy amount of friendships and ties I've built because none of them understand. Also, the nights that my parents do approve me going out, I have to somehow manage to find rides everywhere. This can be really difficult because I live so far out in Schererville and all of my friends are in St. John and Dyer! I feel bad having them come to pick me up. I have my license but my parents said I am not allowed to use it until I have 2 b's or less on my report card. It's starting to make school so unenjoyable for me. I am constantly stressing about grades!!!! and they are just not where they need to be. I just want a clean slate to start with, but that's after the entire summer. There's no way I'll be able to drive though because of the grades that are coming in this quarter! A good analogy for my life right now is like trying to wipe oil off of glass with a leaf. You can try and try but the leaf will just keep ripping, the oil will just smear, and the glass will get scratched up. At least I'm still creative right? This whole paragraph/essay is just embarressing and I should really delete it. Not to mention all of the spelling errors there are weaved between these emotion filled sentences. I guess I'll keep it though because chances are that no one will read it, and I'll have to get 15 points on my blogs because this is hellllla lot longer than 2 sentences. I am such a troubled person, I'll once again have to take this opportunity to thank the people in my life that have kept me going through all of my nonsense. The ones who tell me that I matter and that they care when I am at my lowest of lows. They know who they are, and they won't read this because they probably don't even know I have this blog thing. But I'm gonna say thanks anyways, because I would do absolutly anything for them and what do I have to lose at this point. Thankyou Brooke and Liz, for getting me this far. And I can't forget the rest of my Polekatz! Thanks guys for everything, You have no idea how much you mean to me. I love all of you! So lets see, if you have cared enough to actually read this entire blog then congratulations! It seems that you've made it to the end! Thankyou too, even if you are a complete stranger for helping me get through this funk with this post. I'm not crazy I swear, well maybe a little but who cares anyways. I'm out.

list of wants

here are a list of things that would really make my life:

1)a job
2)a twix
3)a sunny-D
4)a cuddle buddy
5)new shoes
6)some throwback tees
7)fun printed socks
8)an A in Intro, Chem, and APHG
9)new music

and for my 10th thing, I really think a letter/note, possibly annonymous? just telling me to hold on, and not to give up. That would really make it for me.

Falling...

Today has been rough. I really am not sure what is happening with my life right now. The only things that have kept me going this far are my my friends. I am starting to think that they were put in my life for a reason this year, and thats to pick me up every time I fall down. Well, quite frankly I'm tired of falling. When am I gonna catch a break? I can only stay 'strong' for so much longer. I think I am pretty close to reaching my breaking point, or I reached it during second hour. I have too much on my mind, I can't wait until practice. Its the only place that I can let go at and be by the people I care about.

PoleKatz News

If you weren't aware, the pole vaulters at LC are refered to as the PoleKatz, FOR THE RECORD. Anywhozer, tonight the PoleKatz have a big plans! We will be traveling to Mr. Fredrick's home town, Renisilear (Or however you spell it) to compete in this huge meet. 4 of the 6 vaulters will be competeing. Me and Tara are looking to PR again tonight like we did Tuesday, But Brooke and Kaitlyn have a bit higher expectations for themselves. They plan on jumping the Sectional qualifying height tonight which is over 11 feet. (11 feet 6 inches I believe) which would also be a personal record for both of them! This night is going to be insane and one thing is forsure, the PoleKatz are gonna get HIGH........on our poles:)

teeth

I hate how tiny my teeth are, well correction: I used to hate how small my teeth were. They are still small but I have grown used to them. but the occasional comments still tick me off. Then I just joke around about them like how pointy they are:) hehe #LongHairDontCare

PR!!!

Last night was supposed to be our closest meet of the track season! But since the girls track team is soo good, we slaughtered the other two teams we were running against! well, not really "slaughter" because we have won by a million more points before. but I mean it's nothing to sneeze at. Meanwhile I got 8 feet 6 inches in pole vault, which is a personal record for me! It was overall a pretty solid meet. And an added bonus is the fact that I didn't have to run the 200. #thankyougod

My Biggest Fear

I am 100% terrified of growing up. I never want to leave my friends and what not, it seriously scares me so much. I think I'm gonna move to Neverland next month.

Hannah's Snacks

I love when Hannah brings snacks to journalism! Food is my favorite and when she suprises me with cheez-its I can't help but smile! Maybe one day we will find someone's lunch again and eat their samich and salsa. That was so good! I just found brownie crumbs, I think I'm gonna hop on those.

Progress

Progress is a big theme in my life right now.

At least...

Good thing I'm dizzy. All of my bones hurt. My ankles yell at my brain every time I run. My groin is sore from actually jumping when I take off. My knee is just being awful. I basically took a bath in Bengay last night. Well at least I'm still beautiful

Seriously

I am so tired. I cannot function at anything right now. I have no idea how I am going to vault tongiht a practice considering I can barely walk straigh! I jumped 8 feet last night at Portage so that wasn't so bad. We ended up getting home at about 9:15. I died in my bed once I got home.

Just Me and My Uke!

I really need to find some new songs to learn on my ukulele. I can play some really cool stuff and fun songs but I want new tunes! I like to think that I don't have limits when it comes to learning something new considering I can play some arbitury songs like The Show Goes On by Lupe Fiasco and Firework by Katy Perry. My favorite song to play would have to be a tie between Somewhere Over the Rainbow and Heya (by Outkast). I can use some suggestions though forsure:)

Stress

I hate stress. Everything about it sucks. Like seriously, it is by far the worst thing that could ever happen to my complexion. It totally made my face ugly. BREAKING OUT IS THE DEVIL. Its okay because I am hot anyways so  in due time I will be back at my prime state of raw sex appeal. Story of my life.

Roll Tribin'

So the game last night was pretty insane. I am so pumped for Friday! Last time we played East Chicago we won by 1 point so this time will definitley present a challenge.

Friends

I'd like to dedicate a post to all of the good friends out there. Everyone has friends, and everyone has problems. A lot of people have "friends" that cause problems, but the good friends are the ones who help you solve your problems. Even if your wrong, they are there to tell you everything is going to be okay. I can't stress enough how blessed I am to have a few people that I can actually trust. Friends that you aren't afraid to cry in front of, those are the keepers. The ones that will hold you or make you laugh when you are in your weakest form, at your breaking point, those are the ones that you want to stay in contact with for the rest of your life. I cannot stress enough how thankful I am to have not one but multiple people in my world that I can always count on. Thank you for everything.

Lent

I'm giving up fast food for lent, which won't be too bad. I did it last year and didn't have too much trouble. I need to lose five pounds for pole vault so that I can get on a smaller pole, so only good things can come out of this! Hoping for the best

Track

It took ages, but finally track season has started!!! I couldn't be anymore excited. This season is going to definitely present a challenge, but nothing we can't handle. It's going to be interesting forsure. A lot of the seniors that left last year were really valuable runners. We can just hope that our seniors will step up to the plate this year. As for me, I am really feeling an improvment in pole vault. I'm looking to PR at least 9 feet which is nothing to sneeze at. This is going to be a season to remember!!

Parrots are fun. This one could Pole Vault.

POWER

The power button on a computer is green. I appreciated that color.

My Indian

This is my Indian and her name is Hannah. She is the wildest in her tribe, and single handedly took out a buffalo after this picture was taken.

Broken Computers

My computer is broken. Hannah's computer is broken. John's keyboard is ridiculous. This LAB IS FALLING APART. By the way I am blogging on John's computer....

Pole Vault

Pole vault try outs are like in a week! So Pumped!! #Poles

Formal was a blast!! God I was so hot.

Music

Just downloaded a bunch of new music. So siked. It's goooooooooooooo00000o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0od $tuff. #LovinLife

Cash

It is ridiculous that they are going to build on the track. Honestly, I will lay down on the track if they want to start building. Girls track is the most under rated sport at Lake Central. I think it is safe to say that we have on eof the best records of all time compared to any other sport. If they expect to start right in the middle of our season, then someone is getting smacked silly.

Formal

I am so punped for formal, I cannot even express myself! I will look so sexy its not even fair for the other girls in my group....<3